Issue

5th Issue (September, 2007)

Buddha’s View on Qualities of Good Women

By Satiman

Introduction

Having read through the Numerical Discourses (Aṅguttara Nikāya), one would be pleasantly amazed that Gotama Buddha, a great Buddhist saint, expounded not only serious, profound discourses pertaining to morality, concentration, wisdom, soteriology and so forth but also relatively light but beneficial discourses on the ‘Qualities of a Successful  Woman'. The Numerical Discourses, such as ‘Tactics of Love’ (AN.VIII.17-18), ‘A Woman’s Success’  (A.N.VIII.49) and  ‘Seven Kinds of Wives’ (A.N. Vii.58) unveil the qualities of a woman which make her successful. Young men who wish to get married ought to utilize these criteria to tackle their prospective wives and lead happy marriedlife.

Love Tactics

In the Numerical Discourse on the ‘Tactics on Love’, Gotama Buddha promulgated eight charming, wholesome traits of a successful woman which have the propensity to capture the heart of a man. These eight distinguishing traits are enumerated as follows:

1. Physical appearance
2. Smile
3. Speech
4. Song
5. Weeping
6. Good Manners
7. Offering presents
8. Touch1

If these eight distinguishing qualities or characteristics features  are manifested towards a man whom she is attracted to or likes, the friendliness or warmth, activated through sincerity and gentleness, undoubtedly will bind the heart of the potential lover of the woman. Gotama Buddha added in the Discourse  that if these eight traits are also manifested by a man towards a  girl or woman whom he is attracted to or he likes, he will too bind  her heart.

Qualities of Success

In the Numerical Discourse on ‘ A Woman’s Success’, Gotama Buddha declared the eight traits of a woman conducive to attain success in life. They are enumerated  as follows:

1. Skilful in domestic chores
2.  Manages the servant or worker well
3. Behaves in  a way agreeable to the husband
4. Guards the husband’s wealth well
5.  Accomplished in virtue
6. Loves to perform generosity
7. Is wise2                                                                  

The first four traits are mundane or worldly qualities or characteristic features whiles the last four conditions are spiritual. If the woman is a Buddhist, ‘Faith’ pertains to the right faith in taking refuge in the Buddha, Dhamma and Saṅgha. Buddhist virtue for a householder or a lay person comprises the moral restraints based on the Five Precept (Pañcasīlas) and the character formation based on the ten wholesome courses of actions (Dasasīlas). Generosity connotes sincere, respectful and selfless  performance of charity  or giving. Being wise is the development of wisdom  to dispel ignorance or wrong view of one’s human personality and the multiplicity of the empirical world. In other words, the wisdom is the intuitive discernment of the Three Universal Characteristics  (Tilkkhaṇas), Four Noble Truth (Cattāri Ariya-saccāni) and Dependent Co-arising (Paṭiccasamuppāda). 

Categories of Wives

In the Numerical Discourse on ‘Seven Kinds of Wives’, Gotama Buddha elucidated three kinds of evil wives and four kinds of good wives. The three kinds of evil wives are enumerated as follows:

1. Killer-like wife
2. Thief-like wife
3. Cruel Wife3

 
The Killer-like wife is characteristized by five evil traits, namely evil-minded, cruel, unfriendly, improper sexual relationship, harsh and ill-treatment of husband. The thief-like wife utilizes the husband’s wealth for personal selfish motives without the prior consent of the husband. A wife is considered cruel if she is violent, harsh, evil, and ill-treating  the husband. 

The four kinds of good wives are enumerated as follows:-

1. Mother-like Wife
2. Sister-like Wife
3. Friend-like Wife
4. Servant-like Wife4

 A mother-like wife is one who treats the husband like a mother treating her son. She is loving and caring towards the husband. A sister-like wife is one who treats the husband like a sister treating her elder brother. She is respectful and obedient. A friend-like wife is one  who treats her husband like a friend. She is respectful and friendly towards her husband.  A servant-like wife is one who treats the husband like a servant treating her master. She  provides good service promptly and excellently  towards the husband. As far as reasonably possible, she would satisfy the needs  or desires of the husband.

Conclusion

Whatever role played by a woman (or man ), success is definite if the woman (or man) adheres to the principal admonition of the Exalted One  to the house holders or lay devotees. The  golden admonition of the Exalted One is that a genuine Buddhist woman (or man) is one who has developed faith and has taken refuge in the Buddha, Dhamma and Saṅgha, is virtuous, generous and wise. Faith, Virtue, Generosity and Wisdom invigorate her mundane capacities or abilities  to gain success in her life.

 

Editor’s Note:

This article incorporates  Numerical Discourses of Gotama Buddha which are pertinent and are highly recommended for boys and girls in love with the  serious intentions to tie the knots and especially for the married couples  to preserve incessant good, harmonious, caring, warm and constructive relationships. May all couples be well and happy!

Recommended Reading:

The Book of Gradual Sayings (Aṅguttara Nikāya).Trans.E.M.Hare. Oxford: Pāli Text Society, Oxford, 1995.